what a monumental level of disappointment I have reached knowing that you have replaced me with a younger boy.
in his eyes I see my haunted reflection.
a tragic mirror image of all I had to offer.
all the desperate emotions that went ignored are now trapped beneath his ironically similar golden brown skin.
the pain and sorrow I felt from your sheer neglect is trapped in his brittle little bones, growing like a terminal cancer.
his pure heart will soon be black and hollow as mine as he rots from the inside just as I did.
each time you were inside me I died a little more, shuttered in delight as you let your poison dissipate deep within.
my body, an empty shell writhing in ecstasy as you used me.
I look at him and see his pretty bones and know your carnality will devour him whole.
and somehow I know that you are going to give him all the things I ever wanted, all the things I have never received.
his beautiful corpse breeds envy in my hollow heart because for some reason I know that you are going to love him instead of destroy him.
and now I lay in bed, in defeat, like the rubble of a conquered castle.
weary with wonder and despair.
and now I am simply the dust, ashes and bone that you couldn’t find use for in your life.
smoldering unattended for the rest of eternity bitter and alone.

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"I like scrawny pale boys who look like they’re dying, boys who wear all black and have purple bruises beneath their eyes from not being able to sleep at night.
I like boys with beards and muddy boots and arms like bears that have been burnt brown by the woodland sun.
I like boys with horn-rimmed glasses and shelves full of classics and boys with colorful hair who collect crystals and love cats and believe in magic.
I like boys with pale blue irises who draw monsters with sad eyes and aren’t afraid to cry or talk about what it will be like to die.
I like boys who play with computers and knives, boys that will eat sushi with me and hold me tight in the midst of an existential crisis. 
I like girls my size who wear crop tops and tights, girls that will swim in the ocean beneath the stars with me in the middle of the night.
I like girls with platform shoes and too much makeup and fire in their eyes who want to see, do, be everything they can while they are briefly alive.
I like girls with cat eyeliner and soft skin and Doc Martins who can catch my eye while I’m tripping and instantly make me feel safe and alright.
I like girls who push me up against the wall when they kiss me, girls with sunlight and flowers in their hair who laugh uncontrollably when they perceive beauty.
I like skinny girls with minds too big for their mouths and rings too big for their fingers, girls with shirts too big for their bodies and dreams too big for this world.
I like boys who choke me when they kiss me hard and girls who dig their claws into my back.
I like boys who carry me home when I’m too drunk and girls who will hold me while I nap.
I like boys who tie me up and make me struggle while they laugh and girls who purr like kittens and pet my hair when I lay in their laps.
I like boys whose whispers make me helpless and girls whose whimpers make me ravenous."


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